It is so easy for people to look at another person’s flaws first. Moreover, it is easy for others to discriminate. Not only is it common in the society that we live in, but it is engrained in us to do it. In a sick way, it provides a form of therapy, and becomes addictive like a drug. Yes, judgment and discrimination are drugs, and can be addictive when it becomes natural for a person to automatically make an assessment of someone.
Maturity comes in removing personal biases.
On the contrary, it is our duty to judge in a loving, positive way. In fact, you are doing the ones you love a disservice if you DON’T tell them the truth. Do it in a way that is accepting, though. Oftentimes, we tell those we are close to a hard truth, but leave right after. Ineffective. Stay there, and let them know that you are there to help, not condemn.
I know this is tough for people to digest, because society uses the phrase “you’re so sensitive” so negatively. NEWFLASH – you’re right, they probably are sensitive. What you need to understand, though, is they might be a stronger person than you in that department, because sensitivity addressed properly creates a soft heart but a strong character. Insensitivity stunts growth, and destroys rapport building.
When you deal with someone and have to tell then a hard truth, do it in a way that you know they will accept. The purpose is to help them change whatever it is they are being confronted about, and the instinctive reaction to anyone who is being told about themselves is defense. If done in a loving and receptive way, the defensive reaction will turn quickly into an offensive plan of action. Instead of giving them some kind of court sentence, let them know that you are in their corner during the process of growth. In other words, consider yourself a team player instead of a pontificator.
So, in regards to sharpening someone’s character and helping with their growth, easy on the gavel. Give them some gatorade instead, and reward them for making the commitment to grow. The process most likely will not be easy, but with you by their side it will be much easier than doing it out of spite.
Out with the gavel. In with the Gatorade.